tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62080162009-02-20T21:39:16.323-05:00This is not the life I ordered.Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.comBlogger191125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1157049920312762552006-08-31T14:44:00.000-04:002006-08-31T14:45:20.343-04:00

My first use of an alias Current mood: guilty My aunt, the principal, was given a plethora of spa treatment gift certificates for her birthday. However, she hates people touching her, so I got the hook-up. She's also very paranoid that the person who gave her the certificate will find out she didn't use it, so she made me use her name there, "just in case that lady calls and checks."Anyhow, I'm

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1145910503145959972006-04-24T16:27:00.000-04:002006-04-24T16:28:23.156-04:00

If you've never read this dude's manifesto on banging our smart, shiny, water mammal friends, enjoy.Dolphin sexI have never even seen a dolphin, let alone seen one close up in its natural environment with no one looking so I can feel its slit for approval and arousal. Who are these dolphin sex people? How are they getting all this dolphin private time? I want to bang multpile famous people. Can

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1143657971441284052006-03-29T13:45:00.000-05:002006-03-29T13:46:11.453-05:00

Old people will find anything to complain about At our weekly family breakfast on Saturday (think the end of Moonstruck but with more people and I'm making french toast), papa told me that his friends were asking him why I had played that awful, offensive song at my wedding. This perplexed me, so I interrogated further. The incident was in august. I thought old people were supposed to be

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1137003457993491362006-01-11T13:12:00.000-05:002006-01-11T13:18:29.623-05:00

Hoverboards Current mood: anxious As 2015 nears closer, I am filled with chagrin at the total lack of resources being funneled into the invention of a working hoverboard prototype.This is totally unacceptable. It's already 2006 and I haven't seen so much as a wheel-less skateboard.After completing some exploratory research: asking my papa and husband, I have deduced this technology totally

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1132783337465330372005-11-23T16:42:00.000-05:002005-11-23T17:02:17.503-05:00

After some serious soul searching, I determined I'm definitely going to be the type of teacher that rocks out with a flask of rum. Not at the moment, but pretty soon after tenure.I was a phys. ed sub last week. They gave me a whistle and I used it to make the shitty ones do suicides. However, I firmly believe that a teacher should not ask children to do anything he or she wouldn't do themselves,

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1132110024120005122005-11-15T21:47:00.000-05:002005-11-15T22:00:24.133-05:00

In Local News,I found out my narcolepsy medicine interferes with the birth contol pill.However, a new study shows I'd rather be asleep than pregnant.So drive defensively y'all!xoxniki

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1130865223981193792005-11-01T11:53:00.000-05:002005-11-11T11:14:54.933-05:00

Homeless Camps in Worcester WoodsAs there is a new housing project in the works in the woods near my grandfather's house, I decided to take a few nature walks to check out the forest and to hopefully find some endangered species or illicit substance growing naturally. However, what I came across was far more poignant. At first, the displays appeared to be merely trash dumps, although so deep in

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1130530460546662622005-10-28T16:08:00.000-04:002005-10-28T16:14:20.560-04:00

I'm so getting fired.Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But the check is in the mail.I told a street joke today in class to gain cred as being amusing without having to tell 13 year-olds jokes from my stand-up machine that they wouldn't get.ME: What's the only kind of bee that gives milk?CLASS: Milk bee, bumblebees...(various other shitty responses)ME: Boobies!CLASS:(*Raucus laughter as if the

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1129675815995984852005-10-18T18:49:00.000-04:002005-10-18T18:50:16.003-04:00

I'm pretty much the worst substitute ever Why is it that by the end of the day, the kids smell like a mixture of Doritos and feet?Sometimes when the little turds make you mad, it's time for a little Judge Niki Justice!Lately that justice has come in the form of crudely handwritten graffiti in the bathrooms and on desks.Tomorrow morning, when Juan comes in and finds "juan sucks" written on his

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1128001110443333482005-09-29T09:33:00.000-04:002005-09-29T09:38:30.450-04:00

Today I realized I am fully an adult,When I picked the marshmallows out of my whole grain lucky charms due to their high carb content.Gnah!In Boob news...My friend angela is having a baby any second now. Although I can't see myself ever wanting a baby, I am jealous that she is going to be able to squirt people with her boobs. That is amazing. When my mom had my sister, she would roll over and

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1127256307642271192005-09-20T18:19:00.000-04:002005-09-20T18:45:07.653-04:00

Walking in WorcesterWorcester's not all bad, kids, I swear.Parson's Mill (?)- the hidden hike. Also known to South High kids as "The Rez" (as in reservoir, although it was never actually a reservoir)Right near the Worcester/Leicester border, bottom of Apricot Street, you will see a little clearing on the right which looks like a tiny overgrown parking lot. It is. Pull in.Once you leave your car

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1126968840653139082005-09-17T10:52:00.000-04:002005-09-17T10:54:00.660-04:00

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1125679562783358892005-09-02T11:12:00.000-04:002005-09-02T18:48:57.926-04:00

Sham-erican IdolIn search of the musically degenerate American Dream, I embarked on a two-day exodus, inside the heart of American Idolatry.Day 1: The skies opened up5am TuesdayMy cousin Kimothy and I were all kitted out in the line outside Gillette stadium with our camping chairs and umbrellas duck-taped to them, allowing us hands-free idling, making small talk with the natives. Although the

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1125074071671175312005-08-26T12:20:00.000-04:002005-08-26T13:34:31.843-04:00

Local News!Dinner Party Falls ShortDue to the "whipped topping" being offered under the guise of "whipped cream" debacle.In more local news...Newly married girl reaches new heights of laziness as she finds no ability to put pants on or write thank-you notes, instead playing online poker and screwing around on myspace.In yet more local newsHusband compares desire to not get stoned in front of

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1123550128692798172005-08-08T20:48:00.000-04:002005-08-08T21:15:28.766-04:00

Worcester Wedding ProblemsThat's right, true wedding issues indigenous only to the area!One of the dresses from David's Bridal comes in 8 sizes too big because the bridesmaid was in lock-up and was unavailable to go in and try it on.You have to worry about "getting the smell out" of your reception hall before the wedding.Your fiance won't let you walk down the aisle to the Godfather theme song,

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1122943121967698482005-08-01T20:15:00.000-04:002005-08-01T20:39:32.456-04:00

Bastard ChildNo one believed me when I said in Worcester, the records of people born out of wedlock were sealed and kept separate from the "normal" babies. My mom went to get a copy of my birth certificate with me a long time ago, and we had to wait forever to get it because it was kept in some vault with all the other bastard babies of Wormtown. Although I can't really tell from this article

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1122821315372061132005-07-31T10:47:00.000-04:002005-07-31T10:48:35.376-04:00

Pictures from the big show! Jercus Circus

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1122479168027127252005-07-27T11:12:00.000-04:002005-07-27T11:46:08.060-04:00

The Naked ShowI don't think Lee was at all prepared for the show I dragged him to last night. At the ImprovBoston, last night, 10pm, all mysteries were revealed!Naked Comedy Showcase. What?That's right. Naked. Comedians. Living their worst nightmares combined.Most people would rather die than speak publicly. Most people would rather die than look around and realize they are standing in front of a

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1122312971354876002005-07-25T13:35:00.000-04:002005-07-25T13:36:11.356-04:00

Come to the show, Suckas!!!!

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1122312927626923412005-07-25T13:21:00.000-04:002005-07-25T13:35:27.636-04:00

Holy Crap, I can't believe I'm getting hitched in three weeks.You know how when you die, your whole life flashes before your eyes, well, it's just like that when you get married,except instead it's everyone who has ever seen you naked. And it turns out that list is longer than I expected. A good friend of mine who always had a sweetbreath bottle full of minty liquid-acid once told me "Always

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1121445338084572292005-07-15T11:52:00.000-04:002005-07-15T12:36:29.656-04:00

Everyone is all annoyed with me right now because I used up all the ink yesterday when I was trying to print out the internet.Sorry.It's longer than I thought.No longer the 1982 internet I remember.Um, Yeah.And now, the blue stuff.So, I'm a little perturbed with the expression, "baby's arm holding an apple" to describe the penis. This metaphor has many layers to its offensiveness.First,

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1120603721856393142005-07-05T17:43:00.000-04:002005-07-05T18:48:41.893-04:00

Since school is out for the summer, I am now totally broke, so I called my old boss at the tropical bar to see if I could snag a few bartending shifts this past weekend. Working feels so good when you know it's for like three days then totally over. My new rule behind the bar is that I'm only allowed to drink mistakes. I am so in love with Gina, one of the waitresses, right now as she gave me a

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1119539067880659812005-06-23T10:59:00.000-04:002005-06-23T11:05:24.593-04:00

Faculty Bowling NightOk, last day of school, and with it a voyage to the darkest depths of Webster to get drunk far enough away that there's no chance of bumping into any kids or parents.Amazing. Or at least it would have been had I not ripped the bum of my jeans during the first string. They weren't even tight! Party fowl!I'm bowling horribly as it is little balls, and Lee goes "hon, come here

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1118853752499829962005-06-15T12:28:00.000-04:002005-06-15T12:42:32.530-04:00

"Hey, nothing's working on these dying kids.""Try giving them some viagra."From the Are you fricken kidding me? file; Viagra found to improve childhood lung ailment"The erectile dysfunction drug Viagra has been shown to help reduce the effects of pulmonary hypertension in children, a dangerous lung condition in which the lungs experience abnormally high levels of blood pressure. In children, the

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1118790329915562302005-06-14T17:22:00.000-04:002005-06-14T19:06:56.186-04:00

He's the Wiz!It's the end of the year, and I'm too lazy to teach anything, so this week is movie week.In honor of the Michael Jackson trial, I started showing the kids"The Wiz" today. I'm trying to explain to them what The Wiz is.You're not allowed to say "it's the black Wizard of Oz" in the school.So I was reduced to saying "It's the motown version," or the ever popular "It's the urban version."

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0