tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62080162011-07-14T17:33:18.053-04:00This is not the life I ordered.Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1911100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1157049920312762552006-08-31T14:44:00.000-04:002006-08-31T14:45:20.343-04:00

My first use of an alias Current mood: guilty My aunt, the principal, was given a plethora of spa treatment gift certificates for her birthday. However, she hates people touching her, so I got the hook-up. She's also very paranoid that the person who gave her the certificate will find out she didn't use it, so she made me use her name there, "just in case that lady calls and checks."Anyhow, I'm

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1145910503145959972006-04-24T16:27:00.000-04:002006-04-24T16:28:23.156-04:00

If you've never read this dude's manifesto on banging our smart, shiny, water mammal friends, enjoy.Dolphin sexI have never even seen a dolphin, let alone seen one close up in its natural environment with no one looking so I can feel its slit for approval and arousal. Who are these dolphin sex people? How are they getting all this dolphin private time? I want to bang multpile famous people. Can

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1143657971441284052006-03-29T13:45:00.000-05:002006-03-29T13:46:11.453-05:00

Old people will find anything to complain about At our weekly family breakfast on Saturday (think the end of Moonstruck but with more people and I'm making french toast), papa told me that his friends were asking him why I had played that awful, offensive song at my wedding. This perplexed me, so I interrogated further. The incident was in august. I thought old people were supposed to be

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1137003457993491362006-01-11T13:12:00.000-05:002006-01-11T13:18:29.623-05:00

Hoverboards Current mood: anxious As 2015 nears closer, I am filled with chagrin at the total lack of resources being funneled into the invention of a working hoverboard prototype.This is totally unacceptable. It's already 2006 and I haven't seen so much as a wheel-less skateboard.After completing some exploratory research: asking my papa and husband, I have deduced this technology totally

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1132783337465330372005-11-23T16:42:00.000-05:002005-11-23T17:02:17.503-05:00

After some serious soul searching, I determined I'm definitely going to be the type of teacher that rocks out with a flask of rum. Not at the moment, but pretty soon after tenure.I was a phys. ed sub last week. They gave me a whistle and I used it to make the shitty ones do suicides. However, I firmly believe that a teacher should not ask children to do anything he or she wouldn't do themselves,

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1132110024120005122005-11-15T21:47:00.000-05:002005-11-15T22:00:24.133-05:00

In Local News,I found out my narcolepsy medicine interferes with the birth contol pill.However, a new study shows I'd rather be asleep than pregnant.So drive defensively y'all!xoxniki

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1130865223981193792005-11-01T11:53:00.000-05:002005-11-11T11:14:54.933-05:00

Homeless Camps in Worcester WoodsAs there is a new housing project in the works in the woods near my grandfather's house, I decided to take a few nature walks to check out the forest and to hopefully find some endangered species or illicit substance growing naturally. However, what I came across was far more poignant. At first, the displays appeared to be merely trash dumps, although so deep in

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1130530460546662622005-10-28T16:08:00.000-04:002005-10-28T16:14:20.560-04:00

I'm so getting fired.Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But the check is in the mail.I told a street joke today in class to gain cred as being amusing without having to tell 13 year-olds jokes from my stand-up machine that they wouldn't get.ME: What's the only kind of bee that gives milk?CLASS: Milk bee, bumblebees...(various other shitty responses)ME: Boobies!CLASS:(*Raucus laughter as if the

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1129675815995984852005-10-18T18:49:00.000-04:002005-10-18T18:50:16.003-04:00

I'm pretty much the worst substitute ever Why is it that by the end of the day, the kids smell like a mixture of Doritos and feet?Sometimes when the little turds make you mad, it's time for a little Judge Niki Justice!Lately that justice has come in the form of crudely handwritten graffiti in the bathrooms and on desks.Tomorrow morning, when Juan comes in and finds "juan sucks" written on his

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1128001110443333482005-09-29T09:33:00.000-04:002005-09-29T09:38:30.450-04:00

Today I realized I am fully an adult,When I picked the marshmallows out of my whole grain lucky charms due to their high carb content.Gnah!In Boob news...My friend angela is having a baby any second now. Although I can't see myself ever wanting a baby, I am jealous that she is going to be able to squirt people with her boobs. That is amazing. When my mom had my sister, she would roll over and

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1127256307642271192005-09-20T18:19:00.000-04:002005-09-20T18:45:07.653-04:00

Walking in WorcesterWorcester's not all bad, kids, I swear.Parson's Mill (?)- the hidden hike. Also known to South High kids as "The Rez" (as in reservoir, although it was never actually a reservoir)Right near the Worcester/Leicester border, bottom of Apricot Street, you will see a little clearing on the right which looks like a tiny overgrown parking lot. It is. Pull in.Once you leave your car

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1126968840653139082005-09-17T10:52:00.000-04:002005-09-17T10:54:00.660-04:00

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1125679562783358892005-09-02T11:12:00.000-04:002005-09-02T18:48:57.926-04:00

Sham-erican IdolIn search of the musically degenerate American Dream, I embarked on a two-day exodus, inside the heart of American Idolatry.Day 1: The skies opened up5am TuesdayMy cousin Kimothy and I were all kitted out in the line outside Gillette stadium with our camping chairs and umbrellas duck-taped to them, allowing us hands-free idling, making small talk with the natives. Although the

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1125074071671175312005-08-26T12:20:00.000-04:002005-08-26T13:34:31.843-04:00

Local News!Dinner Party Falls ShortDue to the "whipped topping" being offered under the guise of "whipped cream" debacle.In more local news...Newly married girl reaches new heights of laziness as she finds no ability to put pants on or write thank-you notes, instead playing online poker and screwing around on myspace.In yet more local newsHusband compares desire to not get stoned in front of

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1123550128692798172005-08-08T20:48:00.000-04:002005-08-08T21:15:28.766-04:00

Worcester Wedding ProblemsThat's right, true wedding issues indigenous only to the area!One of the dresses from David's Bridal comes in 8 sizes too big because the bridesmaid was in lock-up and was unavailable to go in and try it on.You have to worry about "getting the smell out" of your reception hall before the wedding.Your fiance won't let you walk down the aisle to the Godfather theme song,

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1122943121967698482005-08-01T20:15:00.000-04:002005-08-01T20:39:32.456-04:00

Bastard ChildNo one believed me when I said in Worcester, the records of people born out of wedlock were sealed and kept separate from the "normal" babies. My mom went to get a copy of my birth certificate with me a long time ago, and we had to wait forever to get it because it was kept in some vault with all the other bastard babies of Wormtown. Although I can't really tell from this article

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1122821315372061132005-07-31T10:47:00.000-04:002005-07-31T10:48:35.376-04:00

Pictures from the big show! Jercus Circus

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1122479168027127252005-07-27T11:12:00.000-04:002005-07-27T11:46:08.060-04:00

The Naked ShowI don't think Lee was at all prepared for the show I dragged him to last night. At the ImprovBoston, last night, 10pm, all mysteries were revealed!Naked Comedy Showcase. What?That's right. Naked. Comedians. Living their worst nightmares combined.Most people would rather die than speak publicly. Most people would rather die than look around and realize they are standing in front of a

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1122312971354876002005-07-25T13:35:00.000-04:002005-07-25T13:36:11.356-04:00

Come to the show, Suckas!!!!

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1122312927626923412005-07-25T13:21:00.000-04:002005-07-25T13:35:27.636-04:00

Holy Crap, I can't believe I'm getting hitched in three weeks.You know how when you die, your whole life flashes before your eyes, well, it's just like that when you get married,except instead it's everyone who has ever seen you naked. And it turns out that list is longer than I expected. A good friend of mine who always had a sweetbreath bottle full of minty liquid-acid once told me "Always

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1121445338084572292005-07-15T11:52:00.000-04:002005-07-15T12:36:29.656-04:00

Everyone is all annoyed with me right now because I used up all the ink yesterday when I was trying to print out the internet.Sorry.It's longer than I thought.No longer the 1982 internet I remember.Um, Yeah.And now, the blue stuff.So, I'm a little perturbed with the expression, "baby's arm holding an apple" to describe the penis. This metaphor has many layers to its offensiveness.First,

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1120603721856393142005-07-05T17:43:00.000-04:002005-07-05T18:48:41.893-04:00

Since school is out for the summer, I am now totally broke, so I called my old boss at the tropical bar to see if I could snag a few bartending shifts this past weekend. Working feels so good when you know it's for like three days then totally over. My new rule behind the bar is that I'm only allowed to drink mistakes. I am so in love with Gina, one of the waitresses, right now as she gave me a

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1119539067880659812005-06-23T10:59:00.000-04:002005-06-23T11:05:24.593-04:00

Faculty Bowling NightOk, last day of school, and with it a voyage to the darkest depths of Webster to get drunk far enough away that there's no chance of bumping into any kids or parents.Amazing. Or at least it would have been had I not ripped the bum of my jeans during the first string. They weren't even tight! Party fowl!I'm bowling horribly as it is little balls, and Lee goes "hon, come here

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1118853752499829962005-06-15T12:28:00.000-04:002005-06-15T12:42:32.530-04:00

"Hey, nothing's working on these dying kids.""Try giving them some viagra."From the Are you fricken kidding me? file; Viagra found to improve childhood lung ailment"The erectile dysfunction drug Viagra has been shown to help reduce the effects of pulmonary hypertension in children, a dangerous lung condition in which the lungs experience abnormally high levels of blood pressure. In children, the

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1118790329915562302005-06-14T17:22:00.000-04:002005-06-14T19:06:56.186-04:00

He's the Wiz!It's the end of the year, and I'm too lazy to teach anything, so this week is movie week.In honor of the Michael Jackson trial, I started showing the kids"The Wiz" today. I'm trying to explain to them what The Wiz is.You're not allowed to say "it's the black Wizard of Oz" in the school.So I was reduced to saying "It's the motown version," or the ever popular "It's the urban version."

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1118086527888417602005-06-06T15:27:00.000-04:002005-06-06T15:35:27.890-04:00

Stuck for a Month, Mars Rover Finally Gets Back on TrackPASADENA, Calif., June 5 (AP) - The Mars rover Opportunity resumed rolling >freely across the Martian surface on Saturday after scientists freed it from a sand dune where it had been mired for more than a month, NASA officials said.Engineers spent weeks with a mock-up of the Opportunity, figuring out what commands could free it, finally

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1118085841544198092005-06-06T15:01:00.000-04:002005-06-06T15:24:01.610-04:00

Dude, the more I eat, the hungrier I getTHOMASVILLE, Ga. - A man serving time for burglary at Thomas County Prison is in a new jam. Authorities say Curtis Hall tried to sneak illegal drugs in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.Prison officials said Friday that Hall brought the sandwich back to the prison from work detail. About 3 grams of marijuana were found wrapped in plastic between the peanut

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1117755832418739742005-06-02T19:23:00.000-04:002005-06-02T19:46:08.426-04:00

In the news...3 charged with rape at Milton Academy"Statutory rape charges were filed yesterday against three former Milton Academy ice hockey players who allegedly requested and received oral sex from a 15-year-old sophomore girl in a boys' locker room...Milton Academy officials expelled all five hockey players and notified police in February about the alleged locker room incident Jan. 24. The

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1117653646572802202005-06-01T15:13:00.000-04:002005-06-01T15:20:46.576-04:00

Use that music degree, Sweetcheeks!Tonight is the Lip Sync contest at the middle school where I am currently subbing like a rock star. I agreed to perform under the condition that I got to actually sing. So now I'm headlining this bad boy.And saying things I've never said before like:"Does this dress show too much cleavage?"I'm singing Respect and I talked some of the lunchladies into being my

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1117574253346623772005-05-31T17:06:00.000-04:002005-05-31T18:09:28.750-04:00

Local NewsAt my nail salon, apparently Buddha really likes incense and McDonald's apple pie because that's what they keep leaving on his altar.C'mon ladies, At least take it out of the box for Buddha. He's had a long day.

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1117468341575754952005-05-30T11:28:00.000-04:002005-05-31T17:54:58.773-04:00

So last night was the Rosanna's bachelorette, and most of her friends were weenies and decided to bail last minute, some just turned off their phone and didn't show up. Some were more creative with their excuses.ME: Why aren't you here?LAME FRIEND: We're trying to conceive a baby and I'm ovulating right now so I can't leave the house.Are you kidding me? Screw on your way out and let's go! Jeez,

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1117405600599038042005-05-29T18:10:00.000-04:002005-05-31T17:05:30.580-04:00

Namedropper!Just finished being the slutty pregnant girl for the filming of Robbie Roadsteamer's video "I put a baby in you," filmed at Ralph's Diner , pretty much the coolest club ever. I really wish there were more job opportunities for cage girls. It's a dying industry that supports so many. Tonight is Rosanna's bachelorette party. We're going to a gay bar to avoid anyone rubbing their meat

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1116542203509565212005-05-19T18:19:00.000-04:002005-05-31T17:57:15.413-04:00

I went to a poor school district.We didn't have any sports at my high school.We just had the quickpee team.I was varsity.I heard that boys who get disciplined by a youngish woman tend to develop strange fetishes about them. My biggest fear about being a teacher is that one of these boys is going to grow up and start killing girls with blonde bobs.I mean, part of me will be slightly touched, but

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1114962014867044862005-05-01T11:37:00.000-04:002005-05-19T18:37:51.130-04:00

I bought a "Sounds of the rainforest" CD at the dollar store.It's just loggers.Hey, I got my first review from the owner's wife of the Blue Grotto."She has a beautiful voice. It's a shame she got so drunk."I'm a rock star!Other quotes from that night."Hey, we found her under a table."Better than in a ditch!

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1113506617843214172005-04-14T15:09:00.000-04:002005-05-31T17:59:18.556-04:00

Recently, my partner in crime, Betty found this gem on craigslist.Here is the article I sent them.How to get girls way hotter than you deserveOrLevel-Jumping for morons Let’s face it, every day you see some bangin’ hot chick with some loser guy who you know you could take in a street fight after a few shots of Jameson. So, what the hell? How do these below average guys end up with hot women, and

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1113002412435450812005-04-08T19:06:00.000-04:002005-04-08T19:22:12.216-04:00

The Space ExplorerThe Steamy Bohemians have been on the sex toy party circuit lately, you know, performing for crazed women waving their newly purchased vibrators.Lube was our opening act.The sweetest perk of this is that we get goodie bags of various lascivious items.Fantastico!The newest addition to my vibrating family; The Space Explorer.It's a little thing with a long tether line.So you don't

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1112571019802747052005-04-03T18:56:00.000-04:002005-05-31T18:36:49.636-04:00

I have a four-legged buffalo nickel. It's not worth as much as a three-legged buffalo nickel,But it's way more sturdy.Thanks, and have a great day.

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1111092144056198922005-03-17T15:17:00.001-05:002005-04-08T19:29:27.066-04:00

The Missouri Compromise is for suckersSo, I get to class today, and the absentee teacher who all the students apparently hate, has left me essentially instructions to give a lecture on the Missouri Compromise and the Monroe Doctrine, and a note "if the class is too short, have them read aloud, one by one, from the book."Yeah, this will go great. Look, lady, I'm a substitute "teacher" with a

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1110995014624220532005-03-16T12:41:00.000-05:002005-03-16T12:43:34.626-05:00

Judge Niki Justice! As we all know, I'm now the "cool sub."This provides ample opportunities to ruin young lives, and ample drug contacts.DUMB KID: (out of seat flirting with ladies that have hit puberty already by blowing bits of paper at them and then stashing them in his pocket when caught.)NIKI: Yes, the girls are very pretty, but they're miles out of your league, Napoleon. Those aren't tater

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1110904959578339962005-03-15T11:34:00.000-05:002005-03-16T13:02:15.030-05:00

Somebody buy me a camel!! I heard the little two-hump numbers are going extinct when I was smoking my Sherlock pipe watching Animal Planet. Who is persecuting our desert allies??They are the ultimate riding camel. The space in between the two fatty mounds is ideal for a girl of my stature to wedge in and ride tight. Feeling a little vertigo? Then grab onto that first hump like you're riding

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1109887023584284032005-03-03T16:54:00.000-05:002005-03-08T11:52:55.716-05:00

This week, I'm trying to learn how to have lucid dreams, which means you are all aware about the fact that you are dreaming and can control your dreams. They say to ask yourself all day "am I awake or dreaming,"I guess this only works if you are sober enough during the day to answer correctly.I am the worst substitute teacher ever.

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1109710883863964252005-03-01T15:33:00.000-05:002005-03-01T16:01:23.866-05:00

I leave the closed captioning on all the time when I watch tv, so I can go"hey, at least I'm reading," and feel better about wasting a day watching both Leprechaun and Leprechaun 2.The original starring a young Jennifer Aniston as a spoiled LA teen who disappointingly survives.FARMBOY: Aren't you going to eat anything?JENNIFER: Well, I wanted a watercress salad and an Evian, but they don't have

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1108685663104231652005-02-17T19:13:00.000-05:002005-02-18T15:08:21.400-05:00

Holy shit! There really are Ligers!!!!It's still pretty much my favorite animal.

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1108671191182411652005-02-17T15:06:00.000-05:002005-02-17T15:13:11.186-05:00

The weirdest stuff happens in my 'hood.I have a big black furry dog who tried to crawl under a freshly whitewashed fence, leaving a white stripe down her back. Now there's some crazy skunk with an accent trying to get in her pants.worcester is weird.bonus crap!I am wicked scared of sharks. Last summer I was lamenting this to my boyfriend and he was all"Don't worry about it. Just wear a tampon."So

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1107438760884190862005-02-03T08:10:00.000-05:002005-02-05T09:34:17.546-05:00

More Opposites Attract! Man dumps wife for dog. I see more and more dogs resorting to this kind of behavior these days. Is it a step up for dogs? Level-jumping, if you will? "Wow, Toby, you're dating a human. That's great news. You've really done something with your life." I envision a basset hound chatting up a sleek yellow lab, as dogs do, with three large eyelashes, denoting their

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1106760632492430702005-01-26T13:21:00.000-05:002005-01-27T11:52:11.266-05:00

A letter to the two idiot women sitting behind me yesterday in seats 16 A and C on my flight back from Florida who had their cell phones on and actually answered calls during our final descent; Dear Assholes, Thank you so much for heeding the warnings of our crew to turn off your phones so as not to endanger the lives of others by your electronic interference with their sensitive equipment.

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1106339059975552142005-01-21T15:23:00.000-05:002005-02-03T12:11:37.340-05:00

Puppet show and Steamy Bohemians After catching the Folksmen on the tv this morning, I was reminded that the steamy bohemians don't have to appeal to everyone. Our audience can be more selective. And I'm really curious if David Bowie will think our songs are funny, and how you would go about getting him to listen to a CD short of hijacking his house. And if we do get him to listen to

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1106069343385132372005-01-18T13:10:00.000-05:002005-01-18T12:29:03.386-05:00

Customers still suck. So today, some lady came in with her normal two horrible little boys, and an extra baby. She goes: "I'm watching my godchild today. You're probably going to have to pick up the baby the whole time I'm here because he's going to cry as soon as I put him down." I told her "I'm sorry ma'am, but legally, we're not allowed to pick up the children." She got visibly pissed

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1105972617509754802005-01-17T09:14:00.000-05:002005-05-31T17:59:51.100-04:00

A new study by the Alpha Sigma Sigma sorority shows a correlation between the amount of orgasms experienced* on a weekly basis and whether or not you are a total dick and everyone hates you.*must not be by yourself dreaming of ponies_________________________________My mom is totally Wimpy from Popeye.Always mooching hamburgers off Popeye...She's all:"I'll gladly pay you on tuesday for a doobie

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1104839409308175172005-01-04T06:39:00.000-05:002005-01-20T16:56:10.690-05:00

This guy is my friggin' hero! He made a working full-sized grandfather clock with LEGO's! I can't find a better place to duct tape my radio and here this guy is making me look bad. I'll fix him. Meanwhile, back at the early 90's gym. Apparently the owners have finally realized my full potential. Now while I'm working, I get to telemarket people into joining the gym. This is not as easy as

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1104446368079512642004-12-30T17:29:00.000-05:002005-03-17T15:15:20.070-05:00

This Just In!Carpathian NEWSWIREGirl finds out what she would do if a family member killed someone at the family Christmas Eve party, due to crazy antacid-induced dream.Help double-bag the body, that's what!Hooray!*Girl is me, stupid.More News!People less tolerant of the ugly says exciting new study by The Swan.How exciting!

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1104161707214031052004-12-27T10:27:00.000-05:002005-01-20T16:57:50.110-05:00

Ghosts are caused by old, virulent bacteria, Says a new study by Lysol Why I am not a big fan of the mormons "The Mormons are the only mainstream church to engage in retroactive, posthumous baptisms, in order that ancestors may ascend to heaven. Among those so baptised were Adolf Hitler in 1993, Josef Stalin, and Vlad the Impaler. By 1997 a coverup of the most controversial baptisms occurred,

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1103831725885340262004-12-23T14:50:00.000-05:002005-01-20T17:02:12.733-05:00

It's official; all my friends are now either married or betrothed. Within the last 12 hours I have been informed of both Danny and Rosanna's engagement. My last single friends.... I need a xanax. Maybe I can get some from Jeb Bush's daughter.

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1103806072976061672004-12-23T07:35:00.000-05:002004-12-27T10:38:07.020-05:00

Customers Suck Fun Corner Quick Quiz: What's something you never hear in Worcester? Answer: No, we're just tourists. Just here on vacation, doing some sightseeing.* *Unless being said sarcastically, in which case, you would hear that quite often. So earlier this week, big dumping of snow. School was cancelled and what not and we didn't open until mid-afternoon. Next day, this woman

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1103728005347058782004-12-22T10:05:00.000-05:002004-12-22T10:06:45.346-05:00

Awesome, my ticket outta dodge this winter, suckas. Seriously, I wonder what the pay is.

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1103384620828490432004-12-18T10:42:00.000-05:002004-12-18T10:43:40.826-05:00

I finally know what I want to do with my body when I die. Sweet, I can be a diamonique!

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1103214928668070112004-12-16T10:53:00.000-05:002004-12-16T11:35:28.670-05:00

Sobriety breeds social awkwardiety The Scene: Charles Playhouse lounge; The first of three holiday parties for Boston Comics. This is where alcohol should come in. O' Alcohol. You make me chat chat chatty. But, I'm not drinking tonight, so instead I'm socially inept. and TSTL*. (Too stoned to live) ME: So, err, things are going good for you then? THEM: Yup ME: That's great... ME: Um..

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1103024134611975972004-12-14T06:13:00.000-05:002004-12-14T12:59:30.516-05:00

Worst Christmas Songs Ever ( En Garde!) Gimpy, the Three-Legged Reindeer Peppy The Peeman Nobby the Christmas Castrato Christmas Has Been O' So Drab Since the Macy's Santa Gave Me Crabs More Things I Don't Want for Christmas A carton of cigarettes "Smoke up, Johnny!" A love coupon book that only has blowjob coupons. I don't need a discount. Black Leggings (with or without stirrups)

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1101835487527613682004-11-30T13:16:00.001-05:002005-01-20T17:05:58.080-05:00

Cialis is a not-as-funny-as-viagra erectile disfuction pill. The ad says "If your erection lasts more than 4 hours, see a doctor." What the hell is your doctor going to do? Ejaculation is the only method I've found that will deflate an erection, and I have to assume that if you are going to the hospital with a throbbing boner, you've exhausted that supply. So, seriouly, what does the doctor

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1101831334695585452004-11-30T11:03:00.000-05:002004-12-31T10:19:27.213-05:00

Better to have hooked up and lost than never to have hooked up at all. If there's one thing I take with me from the Find My BabyDaddy Show, I mean the Maury Show, it's that. The US is all up in every other county's grill about not having WMD. It strikes me as odd that the country that is the most adamant about no one else in the world having any weapons is also the only country to have

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1101315924667446902004-11-24T11:52:00.000-05:002004-11-24T12:05:24.666-05:00

Soo lame While making sure a kid didn't swallow anything sharp in the gym play-area, I caught the end of beauty and the beast, and got tissue-gettin' teary. so lame.

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1101218499455144652004-11-23T08:45:00.000-05:002005-02-03T12:24:28.143-05:00

English MTEL! Pretended I knew a ton about Othello for my essay, while in fact, I never read it. Almost as good as back in high school English where I made up books to write book reports on because I was too lazy to read Siddhartha. Go team English! hey, guess what! and this! American Social hygiene posters Ain't going for a horseless carriage ride with no just-a-mustache (justache)

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1100701892657884872004-11-17T01:06:00.000-05:002004-11-23T08:44:50.036-05:00

Today was aerobics day, so I had to stay sober until the ride home. GRANDMA: What's wrong with your eyes? They're all red! ME:.....I was rubbing them GRAN: Oh Egypt could really perk up its tourism if it turned the area surrounding the pyramids into a casino area. Build a pool that looks like a little ocean and you've just turned that desert into a beach. Put a restaurant in the Sphinx's

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1100272739595271202004-11-12T10:17:00.000-05:002005-01-21T14:12:51.423-05:00

The perfect unisex gift. Best Video Ever Update: 1/21 Target has pulled the aforementioned item "Naked Aerobics" off its shelves. Apparently someone upstairs realized it's more porn than exercise-based. Here is a fresh link: Still the best video ever

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1100272252410977952004-11-12T10:04:00.000-05:002004-12-31T10:20:24.280-05:00

This thuggy kid spots my cousin as she is parked having a cigarette. He watches her talk on the phone to her friend and sees her put it down. After pacing outside the car for a few minutes, he finally says; "Yo, baby is that a sprint phone?" "Yeah...why?" "......So, I guess that means we can talk for free all the time." Apparently, this worked, because Kim gave this kid her number. And they

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1100269681365812032004-11-12T09:19:00.000-05:002004-12-31T10:21:02.930-05:00

I am incapable of driving by a group of kids without going "Hey kids, you wanna get high?" Last night, we were going over to my aunt's for dinner, and Papa says "Nicole, you smell so nice. What is that?" I thought through all of my many smells to figure out which scent was the most recent and/or strongest. Sadly, it was Dr. Scholl's Odor Destroyer. Yeah, screw you, socks! Who needs you now

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1100007031736970982004-11-09T08:04:00.000-05:002004-11-17T09:06:28.270-05:00

First Aerobics class I stole disco sweat moves. To make matters worse, not only has Mike plastered up giant copies of my headshot with my full name; like I want everyone I went to high school with to know I'm still in worcester, but has also told everyone that walks in the door how great this aerobics class is going to be because I am a "comedian." Which is a misleading description to the

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1099324351821433212004-11-01T10:29:00.000-05:002005-01-20T17:13:27.343-05:00

Oh, finally some good news.... from Foxnews.com, the source of all unbiased facts... WASHINGTON — A U.S. Army officer came forward Friday to say a team from the 3rd Infantry Division took about 250 tons of munitions and other material from the Al-Qaqaa (search) arms-storage facility soon after Saddam Hussein's regime fell in April 2003. MmmmHmmm. How convenient that this guy just remembered

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1099059908597828242004-10-29T10:18:00.000-04:002005-01-20T17:14:43.933-05:00

Young Republicans learn tricks of the trade early. College Republican group bilks senior citizens out of 6.3 million dollars by misleading the geezers into thinking the money was going to George Bush's campaign. I'm appalled at the deceit these kids are learning, but hey, thanks for keeping 6.3 million away from the Bush Campaign. If you would like to donate money to the Carpathian Justice

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1098981364409991612004-10-28T13:14:00.000-04:002005-01-20T17:15:20.743-05:00

Boys don't notice anything I have a fake ponytail that went down to my bum which I used to wear to the bar when i was too tired to wash my hair before work. All of my regulars go: "You look so gorgeous today. Why do you look so gorgeous today?" "Because my hair grew three feet... you assholes!" Who is still going to clown college? Seriously. That ship has sailed. Ringling brothers, that's

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1098808759825540622004-10-26T13:31:00.000-04:002005-05-31T18:00:54.050-04:00

No one wants to be alive when you're 25.I found my old diary from when I was about 11 and started reading.I was such a dork.I thought all my problems would be solved after I got braces, lost weight and dyed my hair blonde.Soooooo Right!And if someone told me then I'd be working at a generic curves making inspirational printouts in microsoft publisher to kill time, I'd be all;"Sheeeyit, i get to

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1098797040082984342004-10-26T07:13:00.000-04:002005-05-31T18:02:15.970-04:00

Handy Pumpkin Carving Tips!1. Be overly optimistic with your carving capabilities.Try the intricate Alicia Keyes head! You can do it.2. A quick shot of vodka and cranberry juice will stop the shakes.3. Invite children to join you. It's never too early to learn life lessons about perseverance, integrity, and clotting.4. Your eyes are really beautiful when you're unrealistic.5. A little blood loss

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1098287603705284262004-10-20T11:09:00.001-04:002004-11-04T06:39:08.753-05:00

My Gyno used to be a dental hygenist. Speculation. She acted so surprised and indignant when she was scraping me with a sharp instrument, "You're Bleeding! There's something wrong!" Well, I haven't been flossing, you twat. So now, after she scared the crap out of me, I get to wait two weeks to find out what exactly is causing this abnormality. Oh, and they gave me a clamydia test. I think I'd

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1097149362348073502004-10-07T07:27:00.000-04:002004-12-23T10:14:30.316-05:00

New job at the 80's gym So here it is, first day on the new menial job and already slacking. It's like Miami Vice forgot to flush in here. Hot pink carpet, neon, squiggly lines... And the worst accessory ever, A play area for the mothers to bring their children that I must watch whilst the plump ones work out. The girl that trained me told me I have to play with them. Are you shitting me?

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1096273462111826372004-09-27T04:06:00.000-04:002004-09-27T04:24:22.110-04:00

Gas is so friggen expensive here. You'd think that since the English were in cahoots with us in Iraq, the least they'd get out of the deal is some damn oil. It's 82 pence a litre, 3.8 or so litres per US gallon, and the US dollar is worth about 60 pence to the £pound, meaning each gallon of gas costs like7-8 dollars a gallon. And we bitch about $1.80. It costs about 80 dollars to fill a tiny car

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1095687604512740482004-09-20T09:23:00.000-04:002004-09-27T04:06:17.213-04:00

The problem with being a houseguest. There's really no where to comfortably shag. I'm an afternoon girl, but while staying in a camper in back of the mother's house, you can't sneak out at 2 in the afternoon to rock the two-wheeled Kasbah. It's just not done. Also, here is a rule I learned. If you decide to shag on a friend's couch, you will get your period early, then have to dash and throw

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1095071436198942062004-09-13T06:02:00.001-04:002004-09-20T09:23:45.106-04:00

Where the hell am I? England. For a month. Yup. And everything you've heard is true. The teeth, the food, the drinking. Don't believe what they say about fat americans. Europeans are just as fat, but over here, all the really fat girls have skinny jack sprat boyfriends. I don't know where the fat men go, but they don't venture out much since the breakup. (unrelated) Men have all these fetishes,

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1092602725479067772004-08-15T16:30:00.000-04:002004-08-15T16:54:47.086-04:00

I pee more before 5 am than you pee all day. Don't worry be happy is the worst karaoke song ever. All you get are some background snaps and then you have to do the rest. Some older dude at my bar told me he was going to be in the next winter Olympics. I asked him what for, and he told me he used to do luge in college. What the hell college has a luge set up? We didn't have sports like that at

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1091808575381175182004-08-06T11:53:00.000-04:002004-08-06T12:09:35.380-04:00

Pre-marital fornication ok with grandparents "Hi Nan, Lee and I are going to come up for the weekend." "Ok. Do you want us to be here or do you want us to be in Maine so you can use the house?" Use the house????? For what? We have our own apartment. Unless she thinks it's one of those weird no pre-marital sex apartments like in Three's Company where Lee would have to pretend to be gay instead

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1090783167065296452004-07-25T15:01:00.000-04:002004-07-25T15:19:27.066-04:00

Start smoking in bed again!   With Dr. Snakeoil's Patented Heat Sensitive Cigarettes! Here's the technology. The higher temperature required to keep the chemically treated paper burning ensures it puts itself out the minute it senses you've stopped taking puffs. Imagine the freedom! Imagine the peace of mind you'll feel knowing you can just nod off after a shag, cigarette dangling from you

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1088522240107233252004-06-29T10:55:00.000-04:002004-06-29T11:17:20.106-04:00

LONDON (Reuters) -Hungarian scientists say Mobile phones may damage men's sperm count American scientists say "Stop talking on the phone with your dick." .

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1088100999183082192004-06-24T14:10:00.000-04:002004-06-24T14:16:39.183-04:00

I liked my friends so much better before they started going to therapy Whenever people talk about war casulties, they always say "Well, you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs." Only if your plan from the onset was to make a dead people omelette. A more apt saying would be "you can't eat people without killing them first. Fortune cookies never give you a good fortune, like "

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1088042048833943042004-06-23T20:59:00.000-04:002004-06-23T21:54:08.833-04:00

I have friggen hives. Over the course of a ten hour Tiki bar shift, I received over 100 mosquito bites, despite the usage of both citronella and DEET. Apparently, AB+ is a hot commodity in the insect kingdom as well. The little bastards even flew up my skirt and bit my special place. The horror! The swelling! The "Hey, whatsa matter? You got crabs or sumptin?" I hate that guy. Anyhow,

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1085591783554875572004-05-26T12:56:00.000-04:002004-05-26T13:16:23.553-04:00

High at one on Wednesday It's so pleasant to be back in the usual routine of things. Stoned excursion to Curves for a thirty minute fuzzy workout. They asked me what my secret is. It's twenty mcnuggets at midnight on the way home. Weeee are the champions, my FRE-END. Hey Nicole! Your car smells like chicken! Hey, at least it stopped smelling like pee. Am I right? Boo-ya! PS. The word

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1085229830187317492004-05-22T07:15:00.000-04:002004-05-26T11:17:49.683-04:00

Doctors must have a really easy time calling in to work. "You're sick you say? Do you have a note" "Hang onna sec.....[scribbling sounds] Yeah." I'm not passive, unless you want me to be.

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1084308457528017482004-05-11T16:40:00.000-04:002004-05-11T16:53:57.386-04:00

Cooking with doob! Special Sauce Invite some friends over. Tell them something is to be laced. Serve spaghetti with meatballs and brownies. Everyone will assume the brownies are the culprits. ah, but that would be false. It's the spaghetti sauce. Too late. You're high! What you will need: spaghetti ragu doob butter italian herbs saute the doob in a few tablespoons of butter until

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1083601809057541282004-05-09T23:22:00.000-04:002004-05-11T16:38:07.753-04:00

Invention Corner! Making bowls out of household objects, volume III The super-cool-super-futuristic-aluminum-foil-Rimu-rollup. (Thanks Rimu!) What you will need: One foot of Aluminum foil One Pencil Golf Tee Piece of scotch tape Ok, roll the foil around the pencil until it's all rolled up. Tape the loose end so it does not unravel. Remove pencil. Place a long golf tee in one end to

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1083337123727512382004-04-30T10:58:00.000-04:002004-05-01T11:13:04.843-04:00

Average women are funny! My grandmother bought me a copy of First "for women on the go" magazine, for the helpful dieting tips. But, a hidden gem was found! They have a "Quick Comebacks" section where women send in the clever things they say back to their future ex- husbands that are completely O-riginal and downright Hi-Larious. These were actually taken from First Magazine, except for

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1082723832917877862004-04-23T08:37:00.000-04:002004-04-23T08:41:21.340-04:00

Solutions for pregnant women I have a few major fears regarding pregnancy. (Besides "becoming" [shudder]) Mainly with the birthing part, regarding episiotomy and epidurals. We've been using pretty much the same technology for the last 50 years. Maybe something a bit more advanced than shoving a needle in your spine is due to be developed. Stop working on mini daffodils, scientists! They are

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1082551269294511062004-04-21T08:41:00.000-04:002004-04-21T08:45:39.293-04:00

Dear Mr. Phlegm, I'm tired of you. Please cease and desist immediately. Oh, and tell Kevin Smith I'm pissed at him. Thanks for making me cry for an hour, asswipe, over damn J.Lo. I don't even like her and I'm all [sob, shudder, sniffle] the whole movie. I knew Jay and Silent Bob are retired, but I didn't expect this Titanic crap. Same with finding Nemo. First minute of the movie, the mom and

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1082482625311104222004-04-20T13:37:00.000-04:002004-04-20T13:43:24.216-04:00

Too sick to smoke. Sent home from work today. I said to the girl I'm training to replace me: ME: You know how you can tell I'm sick?" TRAINEE: No, why? ME: Because I'm sober. HIYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Seriously, too sick for ciggys, too sick for doob, too sick to drink on the job. TRAINEE: I was wondering why you weren't your usual perky self. Yeah, because I'm sober. My perky secret has been

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1082205396973576412004-04-17T08:36:00.000-04:002004-04-17T08:41:16.843-04:00

I was just informed that Crapplebees bartenders are getting new Cuervo 1800 shirts to wear in lieu of our hot black and red numbers ..which are eerily similar to the pizza hut uniform. Make mine an extra small please. Mama gots to make some money! I want them so tight you just see Cue..............................................................rvo, and the 1800 looks all screwy due to my

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1082117753018037112004-04-16T08:15:00.000-04:002004-04-16T08:19:52.060-04:00

I wet the bed last week Which was weird, because I was dreaming I was peeing.

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1081981391806123772004-04-14T18:23:00.000-04:002004-04-14T18:32:16.186-04:00

People are always all scared of ghosts: part 2 But, ghosts can work to your advantage once you understand how they operate. For example, if you work at a hotel front desk, and someone is rude to you... Muthafucka's getting the murder room! Have a nice sleep, Mr. Pickle! That's right, room 1313, the murder suite. Yes, those are meat tenderizer marks in the bathroom. Say hello to Caved-In

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1081946010375561832004-04-14T08:33:00.000-04:002004-04-14T18:14:05.780-04:00

I put in my two weeks notice. The last two weeks of a job you hate is like drinking your own unfiltered urine for survival. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. And you can do it about 7 times before it becomes toxic. Here's a nugget I've learned: To have a good afternoon, you need to have a good morning. If that means drinking at 10 am, so be it. I wish I hadn't forgotten my russian flask at

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1081904238538447932004-04-13T20:57:00.000-04:002004-04-13T21:02:03.826-04:00

I'm opening up a new bar. Right in the ocean, so the stools are being lapped at by the waves and the water comes up to your waist. Then you never have to get up to pee. Ever. The Sea and Wee, or something like that. Yeah.

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1080935282259554972004-04-02T14:48:00.000-05:002004-04-14T18:17:52.670-04:00

Drama in the neighborhood Yesterday some woman called and ordered through our fansuper carside to-go service. CRAZY LADY: "And the last time I got to-go you guys messed up my salad. I wanted the salad ingredients all kept separate and you put them together. I'm bringing it back in." ME: "No, ma'am, really, it's ok. You don't have to bring in your old salad. I believe you." CRAZY LADY:"Well

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1080770842468484292004-03-31T17:07:00.000-05:002004-03-31T17:11:00.200-05:00

I didn't start working at a bar so I could not smoke and not drink all day. Quite the contrary, really. Just you wait, 'enry 'iggins, just you wait.

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1080675297170893152004-03-30T14:34:00.000-05:002004-03-30T14:39:02.936-05:00

I have never been to the gym sober Never. It's awesome. They think I'm naturally really giggly and squinty-eyed. With a doob-based body odor. Yeah. Also, if any of my other best friends are out there; there is no shame in having a spur of the moment marriage that doesn't require any bridesmaids. I'll send you a check and a twelve slice toaster. Really. You can never have too much toast.

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208016.post-1080599272304457092004-03-29T17:27:00.000-05:002004-03-29T17:31:27.030-05:00

I've solved the money problem I'm going to become a professional female bowler. You heard me. I will be the anna kournikova of the candlepin circuit. Also, I am facing a problem at work. I smoke a doob before I go in, you know, to help with the fruit cutting. By noon, it's gone, and I'm sober and bitchy. Luckily, Carpathian Justice Enterprises has 'round the clock scientists to help everyday

Where the Magic Happensnoreply@blogger.com0